The lowdown on delivery

Last night just plain got to me. I am normally pretty unflappable when I do my job, considering how much dickdom I have to interact with. To be fair, most customers are perfectly normal human beings. But the dick ratio is skewed, so because the dicks are, well, bigger dicks, they stand out more.

Don’t be this guy. Please.

Everybody with me so far? Good.

At my restaurant, they are trying to get the delivery apps to talk to our POS’s. This will be a time-saver since then we won’t have to punch in orders that come in this way, they just –whoosh– right into the system. It works great, right up until it doesn’t.

Now, why would people order from a delivery app, from a company that already has its own delivery mechanism? I have a theory. I think the mindset has shifted, and that makes the problem mine. I’m not the random twenty-something glued to his phone. The mindset has shifted to a ‘I want to push buttons and make stuff happen, and really don’t care about the people that make it happen’.

Pro tip: I’m not sure if this is the case with all pizza joints, but I can tell you with mine, if you order via an app, you’re paying full price for everything. If you call the store (or visit our own website), there’s all sorts of deals we can apply for you.

A customer actually told me a variant of this joke one night.

With the delivery apps, you’re bidding for the driver’s services with your tips. Drivers see the orders, what they pay, and decide whether or not to take them. If your doordash/grubhub/whatever order is taking a long time, consider that. I don’t work for any of them, I work for a pizza shop. We don’t bid. The next thing that’s ready goes out with the next person that’s available. Read what Dashers talk about.

And there’s this small, but loud movement, that says things like “ask your boss for a living wage”. Sounds good doesn’t it? Let’s get out and wave the signs! But that isn’t going to happen. This culture has been in place since the nuts-and-berries days. You wouldn’t stiff the waitress at Denny’s, would you? I mean, if the service is crappy, I get it, but with me the service is never crappy. Ever. I don’t care if you tipped or not, you will get the same experience. That’s my ethics.

Something else to consider, and while this isn’t something I personally do, or am OK with, is that the driver you might have pissed off, will be alone with your order for however long. Follow the link above, and read some of what goes on with pissed-off delivery people.

  • Know where you are. Just because your app is showing your correct address, doesn’t mean it sent US the right address.
  • If your place is tricky to find or get to, definitely expect a call. Really, I’m not trying to do you harm over the phone. I’m just trying to get your food to you. The best way to identify a tricky-to-find house to a delivery driver is to describe the vehicles in the driveway. “Blue Subaru” helps me a lot more than “take the first left, then bear right, then the little dirt road.”
  • Here’s another good idea – turn the porch light on.
  • If you’re the sort that doesn’t answer numbers you don’t recognize, consider that if you’ve ordered food, your driver or the restaurant might try to call you. I can’t make my personal phone show the number of the store when I call.

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