The Night Driver

… but we can’t live without ’em either.

So, raise your hand if you’re a dude.

I am sometimes tasked with picking up various items at the store. My method is simple — get in, get my shit, and git. I’m really not trying to hang around King Stupid’s. I can have a list of 10 items and be in and out in 10 minutes. No muss, no fuss, easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.

Go shopping with a female, though, and it’s a whole different experience. As much as I despise wandering around the store, she will wander the whole joint, to see what’s on sale. Never mind some of the sale items will either never be used, or stored for 20 years ‘just in case’.

To be fair, some of the ‘just in cases’ have come up, so, no points off there.

And then there’s prices. I’m not a big fan of coupons, for the simple fact that when I use my food stamp card, it locks up the self-checkout waiting for a small (usually less than a nickel) amount of change, something to do with taxes or… (never been explained to me). I don’t care if I can save 18 cents by going to another store, or save 30 cents. At some point, I might, but currently I do not. I don’t care that one brand of bread is 20 cents more than another. I see ‘white bread’ and grab the closest one. Which, of course, means I’ve played right into King Sooper’s hand.

“Sandwich” bread. Seems logical, when making sandwiches, one would get ‘sandwich’ bread, right? Here’s what Quora has to say about it. But, female logic, while equally valid, is often incompatible from a man’s standpoint. Most women think with their brains, most men, think with something else.

But, at the end of the day, where would men be without women? Well, for one, we’d all be gay, and therefore doomed, right? We all need things from each other, don’t we? Women are deserving of respect, my god, YOU try birthing a baby. I sure as hell can’t do that, and even if I could, hard pass. That looks harsh, and I respect your ability to handle it, and bring forth new life.

Thanks, ladies!